


It's all me, just don't go

by A_Whittaker



Series: you sound like a song [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra Has Issues (She-Ra), F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, POV Catra (She-Ra), Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25411495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Whittaker/pseuds/A_Whittaker
Summary: Catra still has issues, and she sometimes lashes out to Adora without really intending to. After she pushes Adora away for trying to help her with her nightmares, Catra realizes she doesn't want to be that person anymore, so she acknowledges her own issues and apologizes to Adora, confessing her fear of losing her again.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: you sound like a song [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1871545
Comments: 9
Kudos: 129





	It's all me, just don't go

**Author's Note:**

> The title and the whole work is inspired by Taylor Swift's Afterglow (from the album Lover)

Even though the war was over and Adora and her were together, it was difficult for Catra to push aside that bad feeling that haunted her. She couldn’t quite tell if it was guilt, fear, anger, or a twisted mix of three of them. 

The things she had done were phantoms in her mind, chasing her restlessly even in her slumber. Blurry shapes with the silhouettes of Adora, Horde Prime, Entrapta, and even Shadow Weaver whispered things to her, their voices like branches of a tree amidst a haunted forest trying to get a grasp of her and drag her to the darkness.

She turned in the bed, refusing to open her eyes and see the figures from her nightmares actually standing looking at her. However, when she felt a hand reaching for her shoulder, she sat right up bolt, her breath uneven and heavy, lost for a moment before she realized the hand was Adora’s. Catra wasn’t in the Fright Zone anymore; but rather in the comfort of Adora’s (and hers) bed, in the Bright Moon castle. Amidst the dark of the room, her eyes searched for something or someone known, finding her girlfriend (an odd word, one she was still not used to) staring at her, wide-eyed gaze and a worried expression on her face.

Yet trembling from the dream, Catra couldn’t help from flinching when Adora took her hand. 

“Catra”, said the blonde, careful, “are you okay? What happened?”

Letting out a groan, the brunette shook Adora’s hand off and lay again, throwing the covers over her head as if that way she could shelter herself. “I’m okay, Adora. Go back to sleep”, she mumbled.

She heard the other girl remain quiet for a moment, then lying by her side again. 

With her heart beating like a drum inside her chest, Catra tried to calm down while keeping her eyes wide open. She didn’t want to see the ghosts again.

The next morning, when the cat woke up, she was alone; Adora nowhere to be seen. She was kind of relieved, for she did not want to talk about her nightmares (a subject rather recurrent in this new life of hers). She was aware she probably should, but at the moment, it was still too fresh in her memory to relive it all.

The door of the chambers opened, and a familiar blonde came through it, holding a tray with what appeared to be that day’s breakfast. Adora smiled, taking in the sight of a sleepy Catra still in the middle of the tousled bed they shared; the latter’s short hair a little frizzy. 

“Hey, Catra”, the blonde’s voice was soft and calm. “How are you feeling?”

Yawning, Catra stretched her arms towards the sky and towards the door in front of her. “I’m fine”, she said. “Did you sleep?”

Adora nodded. “I got up earlier and thought you’d like breakfast. Glimmer made chocolate croissants and they smell pretty good, want to try them?”

She had reached the bed, placing the tray with the food on top of the blankets. Catra saw a plate containing a couple croissants, orange juice and a bowl with strawberries. Her stomach growled at such appetizing sight, and a small laugh came out from Adora. That tiny laughter made Catra feel better, enough to enjoy breakfast with her girlfriend. The silence was not yet awkward but rather comfortable.

Once they had shared the meal, Catra’s muscles begged for a bath (perhaps the tension and the bad postures she had adopted during her sleep had taken a toll on them), so she headed for the bathroom with the goal in mind to get clean and relax. 

After getting dressed, Adora approached her, slightly nervous. “Catra, what do you dream of at night?”

The question took Catra completely unprepared; of course, she knew her nightmares wouldn’t go unnoticed to her girlfriend, but she had a slight hope Adora wouldn’t actually ask her about them. She remained silent, as though she had not heard the question. As she turned around to leave the room, she felt Adora taking her by the wrist. 

“Catra,” she insisted. There was a gleam of worry in her blue eyes, and it made Catra uneasy.

The former force captain stood still for a minute, before shaking herself off of Adora’s handle. “It’s no big deal; let it go, Adora”.

The blonde’s face expression became one of hurt, but she quickly shook her head. No more words broke the silence that followed next.

That night, the horrific fantasy returned. The pitch-black silhouettes rose around her, each one seeking to catch a hold of her, to tear her apart piece by peace. She tried to run as fast as her legs allowed her, yet somehow, she didn’t move from where she was standing. A green neon light appeared, coming closer and closer; and as the laugh of Horde Prime echoed in her ears and her chest tightened, she woke up abruptly, panting. At her side, so did Adora.

The latter’s eyes were wide open in concern. “Catra, are you okay? You screamed.” Though her voice sounded sleepy, she seemed pretty alert.

A pang of guilt hit Catra, and she got up, moving towards the window. Outside, the sky was still dark, with million little stars shining upon the deep-blue canva. Despite the indescribable uncertainty hidden within the absence of light, Catra found it rather soothing. Why were these phantoms haunting her? She had thought it was all in the past now; they had defeated Horde Prime, and she every day she was working to make amends with the people she had hurt. Shadow Weaver was gone, too. So, what did these visions want from her? Where did they lead?

She couldn’t go back to sleep again.

Two days later, Catra was anxious and on edge, due to her lack of sleep. She was easily irritated (more than usual), and feared to fall into slumber, for she could not stand to face the nightmare again. Despite Perfuma’s suggestions, she refused to close her eyes for more than two seconds.

She was in the garden, taking in some air and avoiding at all costs the bedroom. A couple minutes went by, and she heard footsteps behind her back, coming towards her. Quickly turning around and with her claws ready to defend herself and hissing, she discovered Adora standing there with caution. 

Catra abandoned her defensive posture, somewhat embarrassed. “What are you doing here?”, she asked. 

“I wanted to see how you are”, was the answer. “I know you haven’t slept well, do you want to talk about it? What’s going on, Catra?”

Only the sound of the air rustling and the far-away noises of the castle feigned as a response.

Adora didn’t give up. “Catra?”, she called her again.

Perhaps it was the imminent weight of a breakdown, perhaps was the irritability from the lack of sleep, perhaps she had not changed at all. Whatever it was, made Catra explode. “For God’s sake, Adora! Just drop it!” her voice was angry, and broke on the second to last word. 

A bare sight of Adora’s shocked and hurt expression met her before she turned her back to the blonde and started to walk away, towards the Whispering Woods. She could feel Adora’s gaze fixed upon her back as she was leaving, so Catra shook her head slightly to make the tears that were starting to overwhelm her go away. 

With no specific destination in her mind, she wandered through the woods. All she wanted was to get away from the from the ghosts, the memories, the castle. She was only lying to herself, she thought. She was still a bad person; all she did was hurt people. 

A giant rock appeared before her eyes, and she just felt like resting there for a while. She shivered when her back touched the cold stone, but she didn’t get up either. The wind flew around her, and a couple birds did so high over her head.

There, despite the deafening silence, she felt almost at peace. It could have been the slumber that crawled desperately to her, but she felt relaxed. Maybe the ghosts wouldn’t find her here. Without notice, she fell asleep, right under the pale blue vault. 

A couple hours later, when Catra woke up, she felt renewed. The phantoms had not haunted her this time. One way or another, they had faded away. Whether they’d remain away or come back, she couldn’t know. But now, the anxiety and heaviness on her body were somehow almost gone (the usual amount remained), and she got up on her feet. Upon looking at the sky, she was able to tell the sun was nearly gone. _I better get back to the castle_ , she thought. Then she remembered what was waiting for her back there, and the guilt came back like a tidal wave. _Adora._

But she couldn’t run away, and she certainly couldn’t keep pushing her away. She did not want to, either. She needed to face her girlfriend, and apologize (another odd word to which she was still getting used to). It would probably be embarrassing, but she had to.

Walking towards Bright Moon was not as long as she had thought it would be, and she was able to make it before the dusk. As she strolled, she was thinking what to say. She had lashed out at Adora, back to her old ways, no doubt. But she was working on changing that. 

The firmament was sliding into a purple-ish tone. The castle seemed to be at peace; no people running, no princesses getting ready for battle in the garden, no preparing for a war. It felt kind of strange; fighting had become such a big part of their routines, it was unexpected to remember the war was over. All the time they had, and the possibilities; they seemed surreal. 

Catra headed straight for their room; she was nervous and scared, but there was no way she was giving up. However, when she reached their chambers, they were dark and empty. There was no one there. She sensed her heart tightening, but she realized she had brought this on herself. 

Sitting by the window, while staring outside, she waited. What if Adora had left? What if she never came back? _What if I broke us beyond repair?_ Soon, a million questions clouded her mind, each worse than the one before. Fear was infesting her like a plague. _What if-_

Catra flinched when the sound of the door opening drew her out of her storm of thoughts. Turning around quickly, she met a rather tired-looking, worn out, messy-haired Adora. Her sword hung out her arm, barely escaping the floor. Despite only being away for a few hours, Adora had the appearance of not having slept in days, just like Catra did. 

“Catra?”, the blonde didn’t bother to hide her surprise.

The alluded nodded softly, and made her way to Adora, until they were face to face. No one moved any further. 

“I’m sorry”, Catra said in a quiet, ashamed voice. She lowered her head, and looked at the floor as she tried to find the right words, but they all seemed to run away from her, seemingly not to be found. 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you, I didn’t mean to-” she trailed off.

Adora moved slightly towards her, but Catra raised her hand in a stopping motion. “Wait, I need to do this”.

After a slight nod from Adora, Catra continued.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you. I know you didn’t intend to muzzle me or anything, I just-” her heart was pounding and her breath caught on her throat. This was more difficult than she had thought, not just for apologizing but because she couldn’t possibly pinpoint what she wanted to say. 

Stepping forward, Adora grabbed her hands tenderly, and intertwined their fingers together. That small gesture encouraged Catra to keep talking.

“I think what I really want to say is that I’m still working on some things” she sighed. “Please, just- just don’t go” the vulnerability in Catra’s voice was palpable, and even though Adora’s touch was soothing, she was still really nervous. 

As Catra searched in her mind for more, Adora pulled her in and hugged her tightly, as if any moment now, Catra could slip away from her. 

The brunette held onto her, both a little surprised and relieved, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend, and hiding her face in the crook of Adora’s neck. “Please, tell me that we’ll be just fine”, she whispered. Despite Adora demonstrating her constantly that everything they went through was over, that she wasn’t leaving, the crippling fear of abandonment remained in Catra’s head (almost free-rent), some days worse than others.

A tender caress in her hair, the heartbeat of Adora like a lullaby. “Catra, I’m here. We are safe here”, in their dimly lit room, she meant. In Bright Moon. _Together._

“I don’t want to keep doing this to you” Catra muttered, hands fidgeting over the taller girl’s back. Drawing stars over the white fabric of her shirt, the warmth of her body holding her, Catra eased into the touch. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

The confession was followed by silence that settled like a blanket upon them. Only it wasn’t a tense silence, nor an uncomfortable one. Instead, the quiet was cozy, demanding no words. 

Adora moved a little and placed her hand on Catra’s cheek, carefully, so to lock the brunette’s contrasting eyes with her own blue ones. “You’re all I want”, Adora said, voice soft and gentle, and it made Catra feel a bunch of (the already well-known) butterflies on her stomach. 

Standing in her tiptoes and laying her hands on Adora’s shoulder to gain impulse, Catra kissed her lovingly. It was a rather shy kiss, a thank you kiss, a “I still can’t believe you’re here with me” kiss, full of adoration and a lot other more ineffable things and feelings Catra couldn’t describe. 

They held each other tightly again, never letting go. 

“I love you” Catra sighed, a hint of purring on her voice. 

Adora giggled. “I love you too.”

Tucked under Adora’s embrace, Catra fell asleep that night. 

The ghosts seemed to come in and move out of her dreams, like a candle flickering in the middle of a whirlwind. They aimed towards Catra, but somehow their pitch-black grip could never reach her. Their sharp words lost in the same darkness the were made of, and while they still gave Catra a bad feeling, that of an appalling dread, at least now she was able to close her eyes for more than a brief moment. In the comfort of Adora’s arms, in their room, she felt safe. 

Catra woke up in the morning when the sun was starting to rise. The faint rays of sunshine were just barely grazing the interior of the place. Outside, the sky was a faded blue canva with lilac and soft purple strokes, making way for the golden daylight that was coming.  
Adora, yet fast asleep beside her, hair tossed and hand reaching towards the girl she loved, completed a pretty dazzling image that marveled Catra out of breath. 

She thought about the recent events. She still had issues, sure, but she knew she could (and would) work on them. It would be difficult, indeed. But she needed to heal. And with time, she would. For herself, and for Adora. Because they were worth it. Adora was worth it.  
And Catra would fight for them. Against phantoms and her own insecurities, and whatever else came their way.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Catradora fanfic, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I apologize if there are any writing or grammar mistakes, since English is not my first language, I'm still learning.  
> I originally imagined this story with just Adora and Catra, and then remembered Melog, but I kept him out because it was a hard thing for Catra, and I think realizing that something was your fault and making peace with the idea of apologizing and doing so, it's something that you have to figure out by yourself. 
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading!


End file.
